My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Randomize
