very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
