and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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