I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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