My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
