At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
