it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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