OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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