Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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