it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
