I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
