he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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