i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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