I want to make a zoo with you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
