She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is it because I queefed?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
