I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
