somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
