Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
