so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
