it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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