He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
