So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
