piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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