Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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