C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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