She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
