Dual....:-)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
