good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
