even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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