I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My ATM looks so different sober.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
