im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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