i think my tv is drunk
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
