haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
