Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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