Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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