Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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