It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
