it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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