me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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