I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
