those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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