My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
