i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
