i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
