thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
