I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
