I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
