I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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