He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
