After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
