There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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