Can i not drive my cunt home
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
