left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
