Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
